The Theatre Bizarre
Starring: Udo Kier, Virginia Newcomb, Amanda Marquardt
Director: Jeremy Kasten
Rating: R
Duration: 114 minutes
The poster initially lead me to check this movie out. That's some pretty amazing photography if I do say so myself. The movie it's self has a very complicated structure about it.
This young girl lives across the street from this old, run down theatre. One night, while she is manically drawing, the front lights up and the doors swing open. And what does a person of sound mind do? Close their windows and crawl into bed. So it's safe to say she is completely mental since she not only went to check it out but went inside and sat down as these puppets started to become animated.
There isn't any show being performed on that stage. They are all videos that are in themselves completely separate films. Six to be exact. (Which is why I am counting each short film as it's own movie.) So lets talk about the first one, shall we?
Mother of Toads
Directed by: Richard Stanley
They successfully make this crawl on you skin creepy by the use of oddly shot angles and the whispery overtures. A word to the wise, if an old woman comes up to you in a market claiming to be a witch, I don't care if that is your area of study. You do not go to her house
by yourself. Especially if it's out in the middle of nowhere. And if you do, don't accept any food or drink. Common sense man. Use it.
This story borders more along the lines of gross rather than scary. The content might not have been worth while or even very quality but it was shot beautifully. Some really unique camera work went on that was brilliant. Plus some really good special effects make-up. A very believable full toad suit if I may say so.
Cut back to the theatre. Baby girl is still sitting there. If she's not insane she is slowly getting there. We get a bit of foreshadowing with the puppets, which is always nice. Even though the puppet is slighting his wrists in a bath tub and his blood is red glitter. At least it has a more upbeat title.
I Love You
Director: Buddy Giovinazzo
It really sucks when you realize you don't love somebody
after you marry them. But of course that's usually when true colors come out and you realize they're a drunk and controlling. I would leave their butt, too. That's always a sign of an unstable psyche, though, and always leads to the problem in a movie. Can you say predictable?
On the non predictable side, it turns out the woman is the horrible person in this relationship and the man, though a drunk, is ridiculously stupid and hopelessly in love.
I like this story line better than the first. It has more emotion to it, though still not very frightening. It's cut really strange at the end as the man starts to loose the finally strings attached to his sanity. A very nice creative element.
Let me tell you, these puppet people are crazy. On to the third!
Wet Dreams
Director: Tom Savini
Do I really have to tell you about this one? Pretty sure the name tells you all you need to know. And if you don't know yet, sex seems to be a running theme in these short films. This one is disgusting and extremely uncomfortable. Especially since they put a Freudian spin to it. Enough said. It's gruesomeness did put me on edge.
Why this girl is still sitting in the audience is beyond me. The main puppet says something I particularly like this time around though. "They can imprison us, stories. Even if they are our own. Especially if they are our own. Power to write your own stories is the power to define your own life."
The Accident
Director: Douglas Buck
This story is told by a mother explaining to her very young daughter why people die. They use flashbacks to show what they had experienced and what is bringing on all these questions. Which makes this one just really heartbreaking
She's full on crying now, but I'm pretty sure it's fear that has her glued to her seat.
Vision Stains
Director: Karim Hussain
Promise me, dear reader, never to do drugs. I do not want this to happen to you. If it can be thought up, it can be done. Please be ever vigilant. I don't want to read about you found in some alleyway with your eye being sucked dry and a puncture wound going straight through your heart.
It is probably the coolest concept I've seen. Being amble to inject yourself with someone else's memories being putting their eye fluid in your eye. The you can write their story and make sure somebody actually
know who they are. Disgusting, yes. But bloody brilliant. They could probably take that idea and base a whole movie on it alone. It would be full of murder and blood, but it would be very interesting. This short is probably my favorite.
She finally realizes the awful place she is in, but she has become a half puppet. And the more puppet she becomes, the more human the main puppet becomes Told you this theatre was a bad place. But nobody ever listens to me.
Sweets
Director: David Gregory
If there is one thing I hate it's watching people eat. I loath listening to people chew and swallow. And seeing it all over the place is almost as bad. It's probably because I really don't like spit. I'm sure all the food is suppose to represent something, but it was such a distraction I didn't pick up on it.
High note: in all the flash back the girl's hair changes colors. Not subtle colors like shades of brown, black, or blonde. But ridiculous colors like orange, green, and pink. I loved it.
The freakiest part of this is the shots between scenes with the girl in the theatre. The shorts were gross or disturbing over all, not really scary. A lot of blood all over the place in the two hours. A lot of sex and nakedness as well that I could have done without. The underlining story is that you need to make your own stories instead of getting wrapped up in everyone else's. You got to live your life for you, nobody else.
*Forever long blog post done. Hopefully there will never be such a long one in the future.